


Starting Out

by tonks42



Series: Camp Cardigan [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 02:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1452598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonks42/pseuds/tonks42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Second grade has not been easy for Kurt, especially trying to deal with his mother's death. Summer camp is not something he was even considering. But when his father decides to honor his mother's wishes and send him, will Kurt find a place to call home or one more place to stand out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting Out

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This work is being posted at part of the Glee Write What You Know Fest. As a long time camp staff member, camp is something I know quite well. This story is a prequel to Best Summer Ever. 
> 
> Big thanks go to Tchrgleek for her enthusiasm for my camp stories and for beta-ing this piece.

I pulled my blanket up over my head, trying to drown out the sound of my dad talking to my grandmother. Tonight wasn’t the first time she’d come to visit since Mom died, but I thought it was the weirdest. I could just tell all evening long that there was something brewing between Dad and Grandma. Dinner felt like the air outside right before a huge, scary storm hit.

It was only after I was supposed to be asleep that I could hear them really start to talk. I know eavesdropping is supposed to be wrong, but does that count if you can’t help it? I promise that I don’t mean to be bad right now. I’d only stayed up because I wanted to find out if Jack and Annie got home alright. Not to be a spy.

“I don’t know, Kathrine,” I could hear Dad say to Grandma. “I know Elizabeth convinced me that it was a good idea back in the fall, but now- now things have changed. I don’t know if I want him away from me for seven whole weeks. I don’t know if either of us are ready for that yet.”

“Seven weeks is a long time,” I overheard Grandma agree, “but I think that a change of pace and of place would be good for him. Going to camp would allow Kurt to just be a kid again.”

“I let him be a kid.” I could hear Dad’s voice rumble.

“I didn’t say that it was you keeping from that.” I pulled my covers even tighter. I hated listening to people fighting, especially ‘cause it was Dad and Grandma. “Right now Kurt’s whole life is wrapped up in grief. He’s surrounded not just by his own but by ours and yours. I think it would be healthy for him to have a break from all of that. Besides, he’s signed up already, isn’t he? Elizabeth called me the day she sent the paperwork in. She was thrilled to think of her son carrying on the family legacy and getting to experience a place she loved so much.”

I turned my head into my pillow. Were they really talking about sending me away? I’d tried so hard to be helpful, and not to give Dad anything more to cry about.

“I’ll think about it,” Dad finally said. I could hear his voice catch as he continued. I could just imagine the start of his tears and my insides clenched. There was almost nothing in the whole world that made me feel worse than seeing Dad crying about Mom. “I know that it’s what Elizabeth wanted for him,” Dad continued after a moment of quiet. “She never told him that she’d signed him up. She was saving the news for a surprise on Christmas. She was so excited. She’d planned to wrap up a box filled with camp pictures, make it be a real present.” I felt like I could hear the sadness taking over Dad’s tone as he talked about Mom, and I pulled my pillow the rest of the way over my head. I didn’t want to hear any more of it.

Part of me wanted to run out there and beg them not to send me away. Camp. They had to be talking about sending me to Camp Cardigan, because that’s the one Mom had loved. She’d told me lots of stories about it, about how she’d spent summers playing in the woods when she was a little girl.

My heart flipped over as I thought about it. The camp I’d go to was all boys. I knew enough from Mom’s stories to know that. I wasn’t sure that would be good. Sometimes the boys at school laughed at me. Even when they weren’t laughing, I never fit in. Sometimes the girls would let me join their group in class, but the boys only did when the teacher made them. What if the boys at camp did the same thing? It would be really lonely. It would be even more lonely than home, because at least here I had Dad and Grandma and Grandpa.

I pushed the fear aside, the way I’d learned in the last couple of months to push the sadness aside. Instead, I let my imagination take over. What if I got to go on a trip with Jack and Annie? Where would the Magic Tree House take us?

* * *

 

I stared around at all the green, still a little bit unsure of how I'd gotten there. It seemed like a big change from overhearing - that sounded nicer than eavesdropping I'd decided - a conversation about whether I should go to camp this summer to now, standing in the June sunshine surrounded by all kinds of trees.

Dad and I had gotten on an airplane in Ohio this morning and driven from the airport up to this lake as soon as we'd landed. Well, we had gotten to stop for a hamburger first. I was a little bit in awe of how green it was, even compared to the farms we'd driven by to get to the plane at home. I wasn't sure I wanted to admit that to my dad though. I wasn't sure at all what I wanted to tell him. I was trying to be brave, because I didn't want him to hurt anymore. I wanted to be strong, even if this ended up being awful and they all just spent the summer laughing at me. I think they will. I left my Broadway posters and my jazz shoes at home, but I'd stuffed Roger, my teddy bear, down into the bottom of my trunk. I'd hatched up a plan to sneak him under my covers when it was all dark and creepy out. At least he wouldn't laugh at me.

Warmth enveloped my hand, and I looked up at my dad thoughtfully. Was it okay here to hold his hand? Would that make them laugh even more?

"You alright, kiddo?" Dad asked. "From everything I hear, you're going to love it here. It'll be a good chance for you to discover nature."

I nodded. I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to discover about nature this summer, but nothing about the bugs and dirt sounded fun. I didn't want to let my dad down though, and I really wanted to show that I could be strong. "I'm fine. It's pretty here."

It was, even if I was somewhat afraid that a bear was going to come out of those pretty trees and eat me -- although a smart part of my brain said that the bear would want to eat someone less stringy and little than me. Maybe I was safe.

"Alright, Mr. Fine. Let's find someone to tell us where to take that trunk we hauled through the airport." Dad led me away from our rental car across a gravel lot. I could already feel the rocks scuffing my new shoes. Grandpa bought them for me along with the trunk. They were nice, sturdy tennis shoes. I liked the bright colors on them, and I didn't want dirt to make them less noticeable. Grandpa would have said that was alright, though, I bet. He said they were shoes I could ruin at camp. I don't know if I like the idea of that. It's not good to be that mean to your clothes.

A grownup guy with curly brown hair and a clipboard stepped up to Dad as we made our way toward the group of people. He looked official. Not only did he have a clipboard and a pen, he also had on a Camp Cardigan for Boys polo shirt. I liked the collared shirt better than the t-shirts the other bigger guys were wearing. "Good afternoon. I'm Will Schuester, although everyone here calls me Schue. I'm the assistant director here at Camp Cardigan. Can I help you find your cabin?"

"You know we're new?" I piped up, keeping my dad's hand in mine. It gave me confidence, knowing he was right there.

"I have a pretty good memory for faces. I know all the returning campers," the guy, Schue, said. I nodded my head. That made sense to me.

I let Dad take over. "I suppose the place is small enough for that," he said, taking his hand from mine to offer it out to shake Schue's. I tucked my hand immediately in my pocket. I wanted to hold on to that warmth for as long as I could. "I'm Burt Hummel, and this is my son, Kurt. He's supposed to be starting here."

Schue nodded, as if the name was already familiar. He flipped to the second page of the list on his clipboard. "Kurt Hummel... Right there. Alright, Kurt, you're going to be in Cabin 1. It's the first one on the left side when you get to the quad." He turned to point to a group of brown wooden cabins surrounding a grassy field. "You'll also need to make sure you check in with the nurse before you leave today, Mr. Hummel, but you can get Kurt settled in his cabin first." Schue glanced around for a moment before he waved over two teenage boys. "The CITs and JCs are helping with luggage. Wes and David here can help you get your trunk and any other bags to your cabin. Wes, David, this is Kurt and Mr. Hummel. Kurt's going to be in Cabin 1."

I nodded shyly to the older boys as they grinned at Schue. "Welcome to camp!" the darker skinned one greeted cheerfully. "We'll take good care of them, Schue." The two teens followed us back to our car, helping Dad with my trunk and the duffel bag we'd packed with a crisp new set of sheets and soft blanket. I picked up my backpack from my seat in the car, cradling it in my arms. The teenagers were talking to Dad about camp, answering some of his questions as they led the way back toward the cabin. I didn't pay too much attention to it, overwhelmed by the crowd of families and boys all around us. I did pick up though that they were CITs, whatever that meant, and that they'd gone to camp for lots of years.

We got the cabin, and I had to follow them inside. Wes and David set my trunk down at the base of a cot that didn't even look like it could be a real bed for two months. The frame was metal, and the thing's vinyl mattress was supported by an open sheet of springs. I guess it was mine, because there was a paper behind the bed that said Kurt in bright red letters with stickers of soccer balls all over it, even though I've never played soccer outside of that one time my P.E. teacher tried to teach us. The floors of the cabin were just plain wood, and the walls of it were more planks of wood. It just looked like a room of dull, plain beds, not like a home.

Wes and David said their goodbyes to my dad, and to me, and slipped out with a wave to the counselor in the cabin. He came over to say hi to us next. Everyone seemed to want to introduce themselves today.

"Afternoon! I'm James. I'll be one of your counselors this summer. You must be Kurt." He offered his hand out for me to shake first. I took it tentatively. James was pretty skinny, with really bright orange-y red hair and freckles. Lots and lots and lots of freckles. I think my first favorite thing about him, though, was his accent. He didn't sound like anyone I'd met before, but more like someone from the Harry Potter movies.

"Hi," I said in reply. "I'm Kurt. Umm." I glanced up at Dad for support. "It's nice to meet you." I took his hand, giving him a formal handshake.

"Go ahead and get your things unpacked and settle in, Kurt,” James said with a warm smile.

My dad paused for a moment and then asked, "Can I talk to you for a minute, James?"

I felt like my insides were melting with embarrassment. I knew what Dad wanted to talk to James about, and I hated it. I didn't want him to tell my counselors about Mom. I guess they probably already knew, but still, I didn't want to be that kid. I didn't need another reason to be the odd one. Grandma said this was my time to get away from it all. I wanted that time. Just thinking about it made me want to curl up in a ball and never come out again.

Dad and James walked outside to talk on the porch, and I sat down on the edge of my cot, wrapping my arms around myself. I swung my legs at the wooden floor looking around, wishing I had a bed against the side wall instead of out in the middle. One that was less exposed. I occupied myself by counting the beds. Eight. It felt like such a big room, but there were really only going to be eight of us.

A short, blond boy bounced inside the door, a grin plastered on his face. "This is my cabin? Sweet! I found my bed!" He ran through the center of the room, barely avoiding tripping and flying over my trunk. I turned my head to watch him as he threw himself face down on the bed next to mine.

An equally blonde woman followed him in, with an amused look on her face. "Sam. Take a few deep breaths," she ordered.

I scooted back so that I could sit with my back against the wall and watch them. Otherwise I tried to stay quiet. I wasn't sure that I was ready to talk to someone so crazy.

The boy make a big show of taking deep breaths and blowing them out as he sat up. "But I don't want to breathe!" he whined for a moment, bouncing back toward the door when it opened. The same two boys who had helped with my trunk earlier were back. The tall, black one had half of this boy, Sam's, trunk along with a brown haired man who much have been his father. The other guy had two duffel bags thrown over his shoulders.

After the luggage was stowed, as Sam's parents tried to alternately calm him down and find his sheets, I felt a weight sink down onto my bed. One of the two older boys had taken a seat at the foot of it. The other one, the Asian guy, was sitting on the cot on the other side of mine from Sam's. "We met earlier, right?" he said with a friendly smile.

I nodded my head. My heart was in my throat as I found myself suddenly shy. I wished so much that my dad would finish talking to James and come back to help me. But then I remembered that he was leaving soon. He was leaving me with all these strange people, and my throat closed. I wasn't going to start crying.

"I'm David, and this is my friend Wes," the boy on my bed said. "What's your name?"

I had to take a deep breath in before I opened my throat enough to respond. "Kurt."

"Well, Kurt, it's nice to meet you." Wes offered his hand out, and I pulled mine away from where it had been taking a death grip into my pants to shake it. "Did your dad leave already?"

I shook my head and glanced out toward the front porch of the cabin. "He wanted to - to talk to my counselor," I said softly. "Did your parents leave?"

"We've been here for a few days already,” David said. "So, what part of camp are looking forward to most?"

I just shrugged. I really wasn't sure. It all seemed like so much dirt, and I didn't really love sports. It wasn't even that I didn't want to tell them, I just didn't know. Well, I could have told them that I was looking forward to singing the songs my mom taught me, but I didn't want to start crying. I didn't want to bring up my mom at all. Somehow she was always just at the edge of my mind, ready to jump out like a monster.

"Do you like to swim?" Wes prompted when it became clear I wasn't going to say anything.

I nodded my head. "I like swimming,” I agreed. "I'm just not sure about the fish. I've never swam in a lake."

"The lake is great,” David said enthusiastically. "You'll love it. And I promise that the fish don't bite. Sometimes they come up close, but it just feels like they're rubbing up against you. Like it tickles."

I took that in and nodded. "That doesn't sound horrible." I gave them that much.

"Do you play sports?" Wes asked, and I shook my head quickly. "The sports counselors here are really great guys. Maybe they'll help you like them even if you don't at home." I gave them both a doubtful look, but I didn't want to contradict them.

The front door opened, and my dad reappeared. I jumped up off the bed to walk over to his side. I really wanted to just wrap my arms around him and hug him, but something stopped me. I didn't want these older boys to think that I was a baby.

"Hey kiddo, did you get unpacked at all?" Dad asked, reaching out to ruffle my hair as James followed him, pausing for a quick word with Wes and David before they left.

David turned at the door to wave at me with a grin. "See you later, Kurt."

Dad looked after him then back at my bed. "You didn't find your sheets?" He asked moving toward my duffel bag.

"I didn't look,” I admitted trailing after him. "What if they're not in there?"

"Didn't we just check for them last night? Did you take them out?" I shook my head to the second question. "Well, I didn't either, so unless gremlins came and stole them, you have sheets." Dad opened the bag and pulled them out, passing me a pillow.

I hugged the pillow to my chest for a moment before I stepped forward to take my sheets from my dad, stretching them across the bed. I'd gotten a special new set for camp that Grandma and I picked out. They were green and brown plaid. I thought that it would fit the nature theme pretty well. Plus, they weren't too different from what I thought the other boys might have. That seemed important.

Once my bed was made, Dad distracted himself by talking to other parents who had come in. I found myself face to face with the bouncy blond boy. He rocked back on his heels as he stared at me for a moment. "You're going to get that dirty."

I stared back at him then looked down at my khaki shorts and polo shirt. "Maybe not. I could be careful."

The boy considered that for a moment. "I'm never careful. I'd get that dirty."

I nodded. That seemed likely from what I'd seen. "I'm good at being careful."

The blond boy swung forward onto his toes. "I'm Sam."

"Kurt." I kept it short, glancing toward our parents before I looked back. "You look excited to be here,” I pointed out trying not to let myself get angry about the comment about my clothes and not talk to him. I was going to have to sleep next to him for seven weeks. That was like forever.

"I'm so excited! This summer is going to be awesome! We're going to get to go swimming every day and play all kinds of games and we don't have to listen to our parents all summer long!" Sam said really excitedly.

I just stared at him for a moment. This kid really was crazy. But at least he was talking to me. How could I be mean to someone who was actually going to talk to me? Then I'd really be alone. "I hope it will be fun."

Sam took that and ran with it. "It will be! It's going to be crazy good!" He bounced back to hop onto his bed, standing with dirty feet on his blanket. Ew. "We're going to do nothing but play all day!"

"Sam!" His mother corrected. "Climb down off of there. We don't stand on our bed." He gave me a roll of his eyes as he bounced down onto his butt. It seemed like he was trying to say 'moms', but he couldn't know how much I'd give to hear my mom tell me to stop doing something I shouldn't.

James stepped forward from greeting another new set of parents. "Alright, parents, there's going to be a short meeting with the directors William and Schue in the pavilion. Then it will be time to say your goodbyes."

My heart started beating fast again as I turned to look at Dad. He was going to have to leave me already?

Dad wrapped his arms around my shoulders pulling me tight for a moment before he leaned in to whisper, "You have fun. I promise I'll stop back to say goodbye before I leave. Alright?"

I nodded, not saying anything. I was afraid that if I did, I'd start crying instead. One thing I wanted, above everything else, was to make sure that these kids didn’t decide that I was a big crybaby.

* * *

 

It wasn't long before Dad did say goodbye. I finally gave in, crying hot tears against his shoulder. He held me really tight for a moment then stepped back. "You're going to have a great time," he told me.

I nodded, taking deep breaths to try to quiet the tears. "I'll try to have fun," I told him, trying to find that brave feeling inside of me.

Dad reached out to ruffle my hair as Mason, my other counselor, a brown-haired guy a few inches shorter than James walked up. "I bet Mason has some great things planned for you today, Kurt. I'll write to you, I promise, and I'll be back for Visiting Day."

I nodded, looking up to my counselor. "I love you, Dad,” I said, reaching out to grab him again.

Dad pulled me into another hug, squeezing me tight. "I love you, too, Kurt. You're going to have a great time. This will speed by and then I'll see you again." He pulled back to press a kiss to my hair. "I have to go now, so I don't miss my flight home."

I nodded quietly, feeling the warmth of an arm around me. I looked up to see Mason had wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "So Kurt, have you met all of the other guys in the cabin yet?"

I shook my head 'no' letting Mason lead me away from my father with only one look back. "Only a couple."

"Who have you met so far? I can introduce you around." Mason led the way back up the two steps to the cabin porch.

"Uh." I had to think for a moment to remember names. "Sam. Jack. Lee."

"Then you're halfway there!" Mason paused, grabbing the door handle as another boy walked up. He looked like he was maybe middle school age. He was tall, but like a puppy with long arms and legs that didn't look like they fit his body. It made him look kind of silly. "Finn!" Mason greeted. "What cabin are you in this year?"

"I'm in 8." Finn said with a big grin for the counselor. "They let you have a group all your own now?"

"I'm fully a high school graduate." Mason joked in response, keeping an arm around my shoulder.

I tilted my head back to watch the new boy, Finn, as he came closer. "I think that my little camp brother is in your cabin. Wes told me he'd met him."

"Oh, you've moved up in the ranks. They gave you a camp brother this year?" Mason asked, finally letting his arm fall to open the door all the way up. "Who?"

"Kurt." It finally made me realize why that name sounded familiar. Finn. I'd written letters and got them back from a Finn. I reached up to try to wipe any last tears from my cheeks with the heel of my hand. It was bad enough for my counselors or the kids my age to know that I was crying. I didn't want this older kid to know it.

Mason, clapped a hand back on his shoulder. "Then you're in luck. This is Kurt here." He pushed me forward a little bit. "You two could hang out on the porch." He suggested, pointing toward a couple of chairs sitting there.

I nodded, suddenly feeling really shy. "Hi." I finally said to the bigger boy. "It's nice to meet you."

"It is!" Finn said really brightly, moving to sink down into one of the chairs. I followed a little less excitedly, perching on the edge of the seat across from him like a bird. "I mean, we've sort of met, writing letters and everything, but not really. This is like _really_ meeting." I nodded along, content to let Finn lead. "So, you excited to be here?"

I nodded my head before I said, "Sure."

"You don't sound so sure,” Finn pointed out.

I shrugged. "I'm not,” I admitted. "I'm so scared." I didn't mean to say that out loud, but it just slipped out. I was. I was afraid the kids would hate me. I was afraid that I'd hate it. I was so very, very afraid that something was going to happen to Dad while I was here. I'd said goodbye to my mom one morning before school and never seen her again. What if the same thing happened with my dad?

Finn looked like he wasn't quite sure what to say to that. "I was nervous my first year," he said, like nervous was the same thing as the terror deep down inside of me that I couldn't run away from or get to leave me alone. "But I ended up loving it here. Camp is so great. Just you wait and see. We have so much fun."

I nodded, trying to pretend like I agreed with him. Like sports and dirt and loud boys sounded like fun to me, too. "What's your favorite?" I asked, trying to distract him from asking anything else about me.

"All the sports." Finn said. "I love getting to run around and play baseball and basketball and soccer and everything. Do you like sports?"

I shook my head 'no'. I couldn't even pretend to like them.

"I also really like the songs. We sing all kinds of silly things and sometimes really cool slow songs, like at campfire,” Finn said. "Maybe you'll like that more."

I nodded my head at that. "I do like to sing. I like music,” I said. I kind of felt bad for Finn. Like, he got stuck with me. I bet he would have like a little camp brother like Sam more. Sam would have bounced off to play anything with him.

"Then that's one thing I bet you'll like about camp. I bet we'll sing after dinner tonight. And don't worry if you don't know the songs yet. You'll learn them pretty quickly." Finn said.

"I know a few." I admitted. "My mo- my family taught me some."

"Oh, you're a legacy? That's super cool." Finn said with a big grin. "My counselor, Cooper is too, and he's super, super cool."

I would take anything at that point that gave me cool points. Anything. "That's neat,” I said. "I bet there are lots more I don't know though."

"Well, I can help teach you." Finn offered. "Plus, we'll be sure to be assigned to the same table for the first week."

I let out a breath. "So I won't have to sit alone?"

"You won't have to sit alone ever. Tables are always assigned. They change up the assignments every Sunday before lunch. This week, they'll put you with me. I'll find you after flag lowering tonight, alright? Then I'll make sure that you can come sit next to me."

I felt a smile crack my face. It felt real, not like I was trying to fool someone. "I'd like that,” I said quietly, "thank you."

Finn reached out to clap me on the shoulder. It seemed like everyone here was pretty free about touching people. "No problem. That's what big brothers are for, am I right?"

I nodded my head, ready to agree to just about anything Finn said. The door to the cabin behind us opened, and James stuck his head outside. "Hey, Finn. I don't mean to interrupt the moment, but can I steal Kurt here back? It's time for some rousing icebreakers."

* * *

 

The dining hall turned out to be crazy. I probably would have wanted to hide in the corner if it weren't for Finn. I was really glad that I had him to help me. I still felt like he must resent getting stuck with the boring little kid instead of a cool one like Sam or Aaron from my cabin. He didn't show it though. He was really nice, and he'd found me not just for dinner the first night, but he'd made sure I was with him to walk in for breakfast and lunch, too.

The first day at camp wasn't too horrible. The whole cabin had the same schedule. Mason said that since it was our first year, they wanted to make sure we tried all the activities. That way when we got to be older campers like Finn, we could make good choices about what we wanted to do. We'd started the day with soccer. It wasn't awful. I still don't really like the sport, but the counselors were nice to me and none of the kids laughed when I kicked the ball and it didn't go where I wanted it to. Then we'd had the rock wall and tennis. For sporty-type things, neither of those were bad. I kind of liked them. We didn't get to try climbing on the rock wall yet, though. Instead we played lots of games together. I wasn't sure if it was going to be neat to climb so high or really, really scary.

After lunch, we had rest hour. I wrote my dad a letter. We only had to write home twice a week, but I want to write home every day. I'm so worried that my dad is going to be lonely. Without me and without mom, he's all alone. When I licked my envelope shut, I was going to grab one of my books to read, but instead Mason convinced me to come join in a game of go fish.

After rest hour, we went to the lake to swim. Today they made us all take a swim test. I set my towel on one of the benches on the shore and followed a really tall counselor with a funny accent out onto the dock.

"Alright, boys. We're going to break you into two lines." He said looking over all of us. I felt extra small and pale under his glance. The sun was kind of warm, but it still felt a little bit funny to be standing at a lake dressed in just my baggy swim trunks and a pair of water shoes Grandma had insisted I needed. "You're going to swim up and back from here to the floating dock. Then you're going to go see Kyle at the other end." A shorter dark haired man waved to us. "Kyle is going to see how well you tread water. The water here is pretty shallow, but we'll keep an eye on you the whole time. If you don't know how to swim at all, let me know. It's okay if we have to start with the basics."

I listened carefully. I don't want to screw this up. Somehow I ended up in the first group. I took my spot on the edge of the dock staring down at the water. I was kind of glad that I got to go first, because I didn't want to spend longer than I had to imagining all the things that could be waiting to eat me below the murky water. I was proud of how brave I was that I only waited an extra five seconds or so after the counselor with the funny accent told us to go.

I jumped straight into the water and came up sputtering. It was cold! I wanted to get out as soon as I could, so I started swimming. I might not be the best swimmer in the world, because I'm not fast or anything, but I know how to. I swam out to the dock and back with no problem. I was kind of glad my parents made me take swim lessons every summer, even when I'd complained that I wanted to have tea parties and play pretend much more.

Sam was beside me, and he made it back to the dock we'd jumped off of first. I guess all that energy made him really fast in the water. He grinned at me from where he was holding on to the edge of the wood. "Isn't this awesome?"

I nodded, even though I wasn't so sure. My teeth were starting to chatter. I wonder what would happen if I turned blue. Could I really turn into a whole block of ice? Or something like the abominable snowman? I read about him in a book once.

The counselor leaned down to offer us both high fives. "You're good here. Swim over to Kyle and he'll tell you more."

"Race you!" Sam didn't even wait for a reply before he took off across the water. I probably would have said no, 'cause I knew Sam was faster, but now? I took off after him. It's not like I had much choice. He definitely won, but it was pretty nice that he didn't rub it in.

"You're my first two, huh?" Kyle leaned over the edge to talk to us. He held up the stopwatch in his hands. "Your other test is to see if you can tread water for ten minutes. You'll get to do more at the boating dock if you can." He held it up. "Ready? Start."

This might not have been a great place for this test for the older kids, but neither Sam nor I could touch the bottom. I let go of the dock edge, and started treading water like Susan, my swim teacher last summer, taught me.

About half way through the test two more kids from the cabin came to join us. Sam and I were just about finished, and my legs and arms were getting really tired, when I heard a bigger splash on the other side. Everyone turned to stare at the funny accented counselor who had jumped into the water. He had an arm around one of the other boys, a tall one named Connor, supporting him. "Just breath and I'll get you to the shallows." I could hear. "Next time tell us if you can't swim." I was so glad that wasn't me. I would have been so embarrassed to be the kid the counselors had to save from drowning.

"First group, you're done!" Kyle called. "You can climb out at the ladder."

My arms and legs felt a little bit like lead as I swam over to it. I let Sam climb out first and then followed him out. Sam collapsed out on the smooth wood of the dock like a starfish. I mimicked him giggling. "I feel like I'm turning into an ice monster." I whispered over to him.

"I know! I think it might be colder than the ocean." He said shaking his head as the sun beat down on us. "You've swam in the ocean, right?" I shook my head no. "Really? I thought everyone had done that."

"I'm from Ohio." I said, trying not to sound mean. "Not everyone in Ohio has. Where are you from?"

"Oh! I guess that makes sense. That's in the middle somewhere right?" Sam covered up his eyes with a hand. "I'm from California. Kind of around Los Angeles."

"Why don't you guys go with Connor and get your towels?" James walked over to suggest. Apparently, since we were the littlest kids on camp, one of our counselors came to all our activities with us. This afternoon it was James, the British guy.

I sat up at the suggestion nodding. Maybe my towel would be even warmer than the sun. "Is the lake always this cold?" I asked curiously as I followed James toward the benches on the shoreline.

"It'll warm up as the summer goes on, but you get used it." James told me. "This is my second summer, so it seems kind of normal, but I remember how shocked I was last year."

"It'll make us tough!" Sam decided, posing like a bodybuilder for a moment before he grabbed his towel wrapping it tightly around him. "Hey, Kurt, I heard we get free time later. I saw a tetherball pole. I love that game. You want to come play with me?"

I nodded my head in agreement. I'm not sure I've ever played tetherball in my life. We have it on my playground at school, but the older kids wouldn't like a second grader playing. Not if that second grader was me. Maybe if I learned how, they'd let me play as a third grader. "Can you teach me?"

"Sure!" Sam grinned over at me with the excitement he seemed to have stored in a battery somewhere.  

James took a seat on the bench smiling at us. "I think that sounds like a great plan." He agreed.

Maybe this wasn't going to be horrible, not if there were people here who would actually play with me. "Do you want to come play with us?" I asked the counselor.

James smiled wider. "I'll try to stop by. I have an area I have to watch, but I bet I can fit at least one tetherball game in."

* * *

 

I think that Art and Crafts might be my favorite activity at camp. I really like this space. It's up in the attic of a theater, which is awesome in itself. The room has big long wooden tables that are covered with years of paint. There's shelves all along the walls that are filled with beads and paper and glitter and paint and all kinds of other cool stuff. There's even a pottery wheel. I hope we get to use it!

"James?" I turned to find our counselor. He slid into a seat across from me at the table.

"Yes, Kurt?"

"Why are there so many names written all over the walls?" I stared around. The whole room was covered in names and dates.

"Oh, that's a camp tradition. Every year at the end of the summer the oldest campers get to sign the walls. It's a way to leave their legacy." James said, in his totally cool accent. Sometimes I secretly wish that I was British, just so I could sound like James.

"Wow. So is your name up there?" I asked craning my neck around to try to find it.

"I'm sure there's a James or two, but not mine, no." James shook his head. "I was never a camper here. But I do have it on good authority that Mason's name is in here somewhere. I've never found it, though. If you can find it, you'll have to show it to me."

I liked the way James reached out to ruffle my hair, like my dad does. It made me feel all warm inside. "Now, what are you putting on your name tag?" He asked.

I looked down at my artwork. We were making new name signs to go on the wall behind our bed. Secretly, I really wanted to ask for the glitter, but nobody else was. I didn't want to be the only one with a glittery name tag. "I don't know. I was thinking maybe stripes."

James tilted his head, like he was considering that really carefully. I'd already drawn my name on the card stock in big bubble letters. "That would look good. What colors?"

I looked over to the pallet of paint beside us giving that a lot of thought. "Are we allowed to mix them to create new colors?" I asked.

James glanced up to the art counselor, a pretty woman with long light brown hair and waited for her to nod. "Seems like it."

"Then I want to paint it all blue, but then use lighter blue stripes. Maybe if I do it while the paint is still wet, I can mix white through to make them." I stared over at the paint as I considered that.

"You've lost me there." James admitted. "But why don't you try it and see what happens? If you don't like how it looks, you can always paint over it."

"I'm making my name into superheroes!" Sam put in from beside me. "See, that's Batman."

I stared over at it for a moment. "Aren't you supposed to use black and yellow to make Batman?" I asked. "I didn't think orange was so much his color. He's supposed to be dark, part of the night."

Sam stared down at it and sighed. "Then what can I make him?" He smeared some of the orange paint around the S of his name. "Maybe I should just make the S into a snake. Ssss."

I shook my head. "Maybe you could just make them Power Rangers? Power Rangers are really cool. If you add a little more red, that could be the Red Ranger."

James watched the two of us with a smile as I put lots of paint across my K. This wouldn't work if it all dried first. I tried putting the white out in a stripe, but it got all crooked. "Ooh. Maybe I can do swirls." I swirled the white through giggling. "This is neat!"

Sam dabbed at the red too hard, sending some flying my way. I couldn't help letting out a little shriek as it got my arm and even some of my t-shirt. "Sam!"

"Sorry!" Sam said with a look that would have fit pretty well on a sorry puppy. "I didn't mean to get you messy."

"But, but-" I took a deep breath. "Will it wash out?" I asked James. That was important to know.

James grabbed the nearest paint bottle turning it to glance at the label. He pointed to a word as he turned it to me. "It's Tempura paint. See? It says right here 'washable'."

I let out a long breath. My shirt was saved. "Oh good. And it's a camp t-shirt. When Grandma got me these, she said I need to let them get messy." I shook my head. That still seemed like a silly idea.

"So you forgive me?" Sam asked still watching me.

I nodded my head. "Of course. I'd forgive you even if it didn't wash out." It just wouldn't have been as easy, but I didn't tell Sam that. I stood, putting my brush into the cup of rinse water. "Can I go wash my arm?"

* * *

 

James knocked on the frame of the office door, sticking his head inside before he even waited for a reply. "You wanted to see me?" he asked the two men inside.

William, the camp director, a.k.a. his boss, gestured to a chair. "Thanks for coming over. Take a seat."

James sunk down into it looking between William and the assistant director, Schue. It had amused James the summer before to realize that the reason no one called Schue by his first name was that he happened to have the same one as the camp director. Whoops. "Of course. I'm not going to ignore it when you ask me to. "

"That is a good practice,” Schue piped in grabbing his clipboard off the coffee table to flip to a page. "And don't worry that you're in trouble or anything. We're pulling one counselor per younger cabin today. You just happened to be up first."

James let out a breath. He hadn't been able to think about anything he could have done wrong, but still, there was that lurking fear. "That's good to know. I didn't think I'd screwed up this early."

William shook his head. "You're doing a great job from everything we've seen, James. You connect so well with the little guys. Mason's fitting in as well?"

James nodded. "He's great. I'm glad he's my co this summer."

Schue scratched a quick note down on the paper and then just glanced down the list. "We wanted to check in on how your campers are doing." He glanced up another knock on the door. "Paul. Come in." He gestured toward the spot beside him on the couch as the Junior Unit Leader appeared.

"Sorry I'm late." Paul said. "I was dealing with a rather, er, nasty situation in cabin four. Be glad you're not up to your neck in bodily fluid issues." He told James lightly.

"Oh, I'm happy for that every day." James stated. "I was so shocked to realize that I don't even think we have any bedwetters. Might for a first in the history of cabin one."

Schue jotted another quick note at that. "Nothing we need to do more with, Paul?" At the UL's shake of a head Schue changed topic. "Alright. Any big issues in your cabin to start with James? Anyone having trouble?"

"Kurt." James only took a seconds thought to bring up the name. "We've been up with him at least once a night."

William nodded his head. "That was the name we expected to come up,” he admitted.

"It's just- I don't know what to say to calm his fears. During the day he's fine. Tentative and shy sometimes, but fine. Mason and I have been trying to get him to come out of his shell. It seems to be working to some extent. He was telling me all about his project in art earlier." James paused to get back on track. "It's just bedtime, but it's consistent. There have been tears every night so far."

Schue turned to look over to Paul. "You know who we're talking about, right?"

"Kurt. Yes. I have him on my list." He pulled his own clipboard out of his backpack to turn to a page on James's cabin. "He's the little boy who lost his mother a few months ago."

James nodded. "And I think that's the root of his tears. Both because he misses his mom and because he's mentioned being afraid the same thing is going to happen to his dad."

* * *

 

I tried to muffle my sniffles in my pillow. During the day, I could hold back the tears no problem. But at night? I had nothing to do but lay here and think and worry. I couldn't fall asleep and there were no distractions. I could count the breaths of the boys sleeping around me or listen to the sound of crickets outside the cabin, but neither of those would take my mind off the fear. I wasn't going to go wake the counselors up again tonight though. I wasn't.

I reached over to the little wooden cubby beside my bed to rifle through it for a kleenex, trying to keep the sobs back. I must have sucked at it because a flashlight turned on, and I could see Sam's face staring at me in the dark. "Kurt, are you alright?" he whispered.

I nodded my head, hoping that my face didn't look bright red by flashlight.

"You've been crying." Sam pointed out. He turned the flashlight until it pointed at my cubby and I grabbed my kleenex. "That's not alright."

"I'm just a little bit homesick." I said. "No big deal." I almost managed to say it without breaking back into tears, almost. I turned my head back into my pillow to try to stop them.

I could hear movement and when I lifted my head back up Sam was gone. I could hear more whispers in the distance and then, before I had time to do more than blow my nose, Sam was back with Mason trailing behind him.

"Hey Kurt." Mason dropped down to sit on the floor between Sam's bed and mine. "You okay?"

I shook my head yes, and then no. "I'm just- I didn't want to wake you up,” I said softly, starting to sniffle again. If I'd just stayed quiet, maybe I'd have been able to keep the tears back, but no. I had to reply and here they were again. Sneaking up on me like a big bully.

Mason's hand stroked over my hair, a warm, soothing pressure. "That's what we're here for." He paused for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "I just want my brain to stop being mean and let me sleep."

"Maybe if we distract your brain, it will calm down," Mason suggested. He kept up the stroking over the top of my head, and I liked that. It felt relaxing even if it kind of made me imagine that Mason thought I was a dog.

"Maybe," I said. "How do we distract it?"

"We think about other things." Mason's voice was low, barely a whisper. I could hear Sam's breath steadying back out as he fell back asleep. "What's your favorite movie?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about that." I sniffled. "That makes my brain angrier."

"Movie's off limits. Check." Mason peered through the darkness at my cubby. "I know you have books in there. What book are you reading?"

"I like the _Magic Tree House_ books." I admitted. That was a safer topic. "I wish I could go on adventures into the past like Jack and Annie."

"Oh yeah? Where and when would you travel?"

"I'd go to the Ren-renaissance. They wore the coolest clothes. I'd want to help make the huge dresses the princesses wore and everyone had so much embroidery. And there were knights and kings and queens." I found myself suddenly caught up in a yawn. "I went to a festival. People dressed up and sang old songs and ate giant turkey legs. Dad ate one, but it looked too messy to me."

Mason nodded considering that. "Do you think we'd get to fight a dragon? If we were knights?"

"I don't think so." I whispered back. "I don't think they had dragons, even in the Renaissance. But we might get to joust up on giant horses." I could feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier. "Someday I'd be big enough to need a big horse. Where would you go?"

"I think I'd want to go back to Japan back when there were ninjas. Do you think I'd make a good ninja?" Mason asked, voice teasing even though it was soft.

I shook my head through another yawn.

"No? Well, I'd have lots of training to do." Mason broke into a story of how he would go about becoming a ninja. Somewhere in there I must have drifted off, because I don't remember the end, just vaguely hearing murmurs.

"Kurt's asleep?" That was James' voice. It had the accent.

"I think so." The petting of my hair stopped and the hand moved away. I was too tired to protest. Too tired and too unsure this was real.

"How'd you get him out so fast?"

"Distraction." I could vaguely hear footsteps move away. "At night I think we just need to get him thinking about other things. Tonight it was ninjas and knights. Right now, I just want to be thinking about curling back up in my bunk. It's after midnight. I'll tell you more in the morning."

* * *

 

The longer I've been at camp, the happier I feel. I mean, it’s just a place full of nice people. Not everyone here is my friend, but no one is mean to me.

Sam's settled down from being totally, totally bouncy, and I like him more now. He lets me tag along and play games with him at free time. Sometimes we go swimming together.

My absolute favorite thing in camp is this big trampoline in the lake. Sam and I are two of the only juniors allowed on it, because almost no one else passed the treading water test we had to do. We like to go pretend that it's our island hide away when the juniors have free swim. They make us wear a life jacket out there, but it's still worth it. I like sitting in the middle of it while Sam bounces around and makes me fly up into the air. I can never stop giggling when he does that.

"Today at swim we got free play time, so the whole day feels awesome now. Plus, we learned how to make friendship bracelets." I told Finn really excitedly at dinner. It was Friday, so we had only a few meals left to sit together. That sucked.

"That's pretty cool." Finn replied, dishing more than his share of ravioli out of the bowl. "What color did you make yours?"

"Red and white. Like the Buckeyes. I'm going to send it in my next letter to my dad." I took the bowl from him carefully dishing out some pasta. "I bet he'll like it."

"I bet he will." Finn agreed. "We got to go this afternoon to play basketball with another camp. I made three baskets." He boasted.

I nodded my head, like that was the coolest thing ever. I think I might know what he was talking about even, since we played basketball in sports period today. "That's pretty neat. Did you win?"

"Nah. They beat us, but it was still pretty fun. Plus, we got to stop for ice cream on our way back." Finn beamed. "That makes any trip off camp worth it."

"Ooh. Do you think we'll get to go get ice cream?" I bounced a little bit in my chair. "I love ice cream."

"I bet you will, sometime." Finn said as he passed me the green beans. He'd taken a lot more ravioli than green beans, I noticed. "Fat Bob's has the best ice cream." As he heard my giggles he just grinned. "I know, I know. It's a funny name, but so good. It's like the real scooped stuff, and they have all kinds of flavors."

I added more green beans to my plate, passing them to the counselor next to me. The dining hall was a crowded place. There were rows of tables, with three or four kids sitting on each side and a counselor or one of the almost counselors on each end. One of the older campers served each table, and kids of all ages were mixed up at them. It kind of felt like eating with a really big, loud family the way we passed food around. The walls of the room were covered in old felt banners from color war, each with a theme about brotherhood or camp and then the team name. A big plaque held all the teams that had won. Finn told me about it the first night. I was really excited to be on a team myself, even if I was a little bit scared that I'd mess up and ruin everything.

"So, what do you think we'll be doing for evening program tonight?" Finn leaned over me to talk to the counselor. I didn't mind. I wanted to hear what the man had to say.

"No idea." The guy said in his Irish accent. I was learning to tell them apart. Finn and James were helping me. "I think it might be cabin or age level based. No social and I haven't heard about a huge theme."

Finn nodded. "I like age level based. That's always cool."

We finished up our food quickly, or at least it felt that way. We talked more about what we'd done that day and then then about what kind of superhero we'd want to be. Soon our plates were scraped by the counselor and we'd moved on to eating brownies with glasses of milk.

Schue stood up, climbing up onto his chair at the admin table. "I have a few announcements!" He called over all the noise.

I started giggling harder as everyone started to sing the announcements song. I knew enough words by now to even jump in on part of it. "Announcements, announcements, announcements! A terrible death to die, a terrible death to die, a terrible death to be talked to death, a terrible death to die. Announcements, Announcements, announcements!" We yelled the last verse more than sang it. Finn offered me a high five as we collapsed back into our chairs.

"Well, now that I have your attention!" Schue called loudly, reaching back to grab his clipboard. I bet he did this because the director, William, was this old guy. He'd probably fall and break if he climbed up on the chairs every night like the rest of us did.

"You've got it!" one of the older campers called out. "Better use it well!"

Schue shook his head over to the fifteen year old and then looked back at his clipboard. "I thought that everyone might like to know what your assignments are for the night. It's almost evening program time!" We all cheered for a moment before stopping to listen to what we were actually going to do.

"Alright, up first. It's a party boat night! Cabin 1 and the CITs you are up with James in command. I'll be there to drive and guard. Cabins 2 and 3, you've got parachute games! Cabins 4 and 5" I stopped listening at about that point leaning in to whisper to Finn instead. "What's the party boat?"

Finn took a minute to answer, probably waiting to hear what his group was doing first. "It's this big flat boat with little Christmas lights all over it. They'll drive you into the middle of the lake, and you'll all get to take turns jumping off the edge and swimming around out there. It's really fun."

I nodded. "I like to swim, once I figured out nothing in the water was going to eat me." I finished my brownie, licking my fingers clean before I used the napkin to make sure they were really good. "This sounds like a good idea. I approve."

"And if you approve, we all know it has to be great." The counselor beside me drawled, reaching out to ruffle my hair.

* * *

 

We changed into swimsuits after dinner. James reminded us to put on more sunscreen as Sam hunted for his second water shoe. "We're really going swimming in the middle of the lake?"

"We're really going swimming in the middle of the lake." James agreed, already dressed in his own swim trunks and sandals. "You should all bring a jumper. It might be cold when you get out."

We all stared at him for a moment. I glanced over to Sam and shrugged.

"Why are we jumping?" Sam finally asked.

"Jumper? You're uh," James searched for the right word for a second. "Sweatshirt. Crazy Yanks and your misuse of English." He shook his head as we all dug into our trunks for one.

Once he had us all collected together, and we waited for at least two guys to pee, we headed down to the docks. The CITs were already there, threatening to push each other into the water.

James just shook his head. "Stop trying to kill each other and help me find life jackets for these boys," he instructed. "And yourself. If Schue and I have to guard tonight, none of you lot are allowed to drown."

One of the CITs snapped off a playful salute as they all moved off to get in each other's way, rummaging through the jackets hanging up in a shed.

"Start with the littlest one first, in case we don't have enough small ones." Wes stuck his head out to instruct. I remembered the Asian boy from the move in day. He'd been nice.

His friend knelt down in front of me a few minutes later, life jacket in hand. "I remember you, Kurt, right?" He asked.

I nodded my head, suddenly shy with all these bigger boys. "You're David."

"That I am. Let's see if this one fits you." He held up a small blue and black life jacket.

"It does. I wore it for swimming the other day." I lifted my arms to let him help me get it on and get it tightened. "It matched my blue swimsuit better, though. It doesn't go well with the orange one."

David laughed, but it didn't sound like a mean laugh. "Well, I'm sorry I couldn't find one tonight that was a better match." He told me.

I grinned back at him. "That's okay. I suppose I can clash out here."

"If there was any place that was made for clashing, it was camp." David glanced around. "Let's go find a spot on a boat, okay? I think we're taking one of the motor boats tonight, too."

I nodded. "Do you like the party boat?" I asked up to him as we walked to the dock.

"Of course! I love the lake in general." David glanced over to the number of the people already on the part boat. "Let's take this one." He led me off toward a shiny white boat. "We'll still get to jump off but we won't have to be sardines."

We went up to sit not too far from the driver. It was a counselor I didn't really know. I smiled at him anyway. David seemed to know him pretty well, though, because he leaned in to ask something, grinning as he sat up. "You're the best."

"And you'd better not forget it," he said as James stepped onto the boat. "You've got Kurt and Sam?" He looked around until he found both of us. I waved to help him out with that from where I was sitting between David and Wes' legs. "I've got the other six juniors." He did a head count of the others. "And you've got the other four CITs. Perfect.  We've got everyone then. We're ready to take off." He stepped closer for a moment to double check the buckles on the life jackets Sam and I had on before he hopped off the back of the boat. I guess he trusted that the CITs had put their own jackets on right.

"Hang on tight." The driver warned with a smirk back at David before he took off. He pushed the speed when we got out into the open space in the middle of the water doing a figure eight around the lake. I could feel the air blow my hair back from my face. For a moment, I was afraid we were going to crash or fall out and then I just felt the laughter bubble up inside of me.

I let it out tilting my head back to grin at David as the boat slowed down, floating up alongside Schue's big flat-bottome boat. "That was awesome!"

David reached under my armpits to pull me up so that I was sitting on the side of the boat next to him. "You like that, huh? Lewis, I think we've got a future water skier here!"

Playing in the deep water was great. I didn't think that the older boys would really want to play with us, but most of them did. I'd jumped off the edge of the boat a ton of times trying to make each one sillier than the last. I have to say that I can do a pretty good cannonball, even if Sam thought that his was better.

He swam up beside me and leaned in close. "I think we should go get David." He whispered.

I nodded after a moment's thought. David was funny. He'd be a good person to splash. "We could be splash monsters."

Sam nodded his agreement. It was hard to sneak through the water when you had a life jacket on. It made you bob up and down at the top, so you couldn't just swim under like I would in the pool at home.

That meant that David definitely heard Sam coming. I was kind of glad for once that Sam swims faster than I did, because that meant that he was the one David saw coming. As David and Sam started sending water splashing at each other, I swam around to David's other side. I sent a big wave of water at his back then swam up to climb onto him, wrapping my arms around his forehead. "I'm a splash monster!" I shouted between laughs.

David turned around grabbing me to give me a quick shake in the water. "Oh! Look! I found a splash monster. What ever are we supposed to do with these?"

"Toss them away!" Wes suggested, grabbing Sam to toss him up into the air. I giggled, knowing the water would make a good landing. And a big splash.

"No! Anything but that!" I joked, trying a bit to squirm away, but not too much. Sam's flight and splash landing looked like fun!

David shook his head. "Sorry, Splash Monster. I can't avoid your fate." He was strong, because he lifted me up, sending me flying through the water. I crashed down, breaking through the surface for a moment before I bobbed back up laughing even as I blew lake water out of my nose. Another night I probably would have thought that was gross, but tonight, I was having too much fun.

 

* * *

 

The sun started to set, and we all had to go back into shore. My arms and legs were trying to turn into lead again as I climbed down out of the speed boat. David took my lifejacket from me, passing me my sweatshirt to put on instead. James had been right. The water wasn't bad, but now it was kind of chilly. I couldn't wait to put on a pair of warm pajamas and curl up in my bed.

I sank down onto the bench surrounded by the rest of the group. I pretended that I was listening to whatever Sam was talking about, but really I was listening to James. I could just hear him talking to Wes and David over the lake hitting the shore and the kids beside me.

"Thanks for keeping the kids entertained tonight. It looks like you might have worn them out."

"I think they wore me out just as much." I think that was Wes, but I couldn't quite tell from here.

"Hard to believe that Kurt's the same kid who was hiding on his bunk on Sunday." I think that was David. "He was really happy tonight."

"Well, say a prayer to whoever you believe in that that transfers over to sleep. If he's good and worn out, maybe he'll make it through a whole night for once. I could use the sleep."

I felt like my stomach dropped into my feet. I knew I wasn't supposed to be listening, but still, I felt bad. Not because of what James said because it was true. I wasn't a baby anymore. There was no reason I had to keep waking the counselors up every night. I didn't want to. I resolved that tonight, no matter how sad I was or how long I tried to fall asleep, I wouldn't wake them up, and I wouldn't let Sam do it either.

* * *

 

Sunday morning was pretty chill. We ate breakfast in our pajamas and then cleaned the cabin and ourselves. Right now, everyone was sitting on our beds. Mason told us that we had to write a letter to our parents before lunch. I'd already written letters to my dad that week, but I was happy to write another one. I grabbed one of my pieces of stationary, choosing a red, white, and blue piece because it was almost July.

I put the paper on top of a book and set it all in my lap, starting the letter.

_Dear Dad,_

_HI! How are you? I got the letter you sent, and the book. Thank you! I haven't read one from that series before but it looks good, even if it's not Magic Tree House. Maybe I'll like mysteries, too._

_Camp is good. I like it here more than I thought I would. I miss you, but there's so much cool stuff to do. Don't be mad, but I still hate the sports. They're trying to teach me to be better, but I think when I get to choose my activities when I'm older that the only sport I'd keep is Tennis. Maybe._

_I like the lake. We get to go swimming all the time and my friend Sam and I like to swim all the way out to the trampoline to jump on it. It's fun! I can bounce really high. Last night we went out into the middle of the lake and swam. We had lifejackets, don't worry. It was fun, too, because some of the older boys came, too, and they actually played with us. We had a big competition to see who could do the silliest jump off the boat. I'm not sure who won._

_Everyone is really nice here. James and Mason are really nice to me. Finn is cool. He's like my big brother. Sam is my best friend in the cabin, even though he likes sports things and I like art and canoeing. We both like swimming._

_I can't wait until you come for Parent's Day. You are coming, right? Then I can introduce you to everyone. I know it's still several weeks. I miss you a lot sometimes. Sometimes I want to go home so that I could see you, but then I decided that what would be perfect would be to have you here. I love you, Dad._

_Kurt_

I folded my letter up neatly and tucked it into an envelope. I dug in my box for a stamp, finding one of the cool superhero ones my dad had let me pick out. Sam stretched himself out across the gap between bunks. He kept his knees and feet on one bed, but put his elbows over on mine. "Are you done writing? Oooh! I like those stamps."

I beamed over, showing him the whole sheet. "Aren't they cool! You can have one for your letter if you want." I offered. I was sure Dad would send me more if I ran out.

Sam hopped up onto his feet reaching back to grab his letter. He took a seat on the bottom of my bed staring at the sheet of stamps. "Can I use Captain America?"

"Sure!" I passed them over. "I just want to keep Wolverine."

* * *

 

I leaned over the railing to look around, letting the wooden piece support my weight. Sam ran up beside me, letting the cabin door slam behind him. "Are they here yet?" He asked almost as excited sounding as that first day.

I shook my head. "I don't see anyone. We finished cleaning." I didn't even care that I was whining. "James said they'd be here when we finished cleaning."

"I even made my bed!" Sam added, letting out an excited whoop as he saw the first parents start into the camp grounds. He jumped off the porch running full out to throw himself into a woman's arms. "Mom!"

I turned my head to the rest of the people. I didn't really want that reminder today. Today I wanted to be happy and to show my dad everything here. It seemed like forever before I saw a familiar Hummel Tires and Lube baseball hat. I jumped down both steps from the porch and ran over to him.

My dad just picked me up, holding me tight in his arms as he spun me around. "Kurt. I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Dad," I whispered, tucking my head close to smell the familiar combo of his aftershave and motor oil that always seemed to cling to Dad's clothes.

He set me down on my feet looking me over. I was wearing one of the camp t-shirts Grandma had sent me with a pair of blue jeans and tennis shoes that looked a lot more broken in than they had when he dropped me off. I dug one self-consciously into the dirt. "I swear that you grew two feet, kid."

I giggled, feeling the happiness just bubble up inside of me. It was so amazing to see him, to have him here with me in my new favorite space. "I did not." I shook my head. "My jeans aren't even too short. I can't have grown." I stuck one leg out to show him.

"I suppose it must just be all in my mind then." He shook his head. "But I think that you've gained a few new freckles at least." He ran a hand over my cheek.

I shrugged. "Maybe. I've been wearing _lots_ of sunscreen." I promised.

"I'm sure you have." He glanced around the place.

I peered around as well. "I can show you around. I know where everything is!"

He reached out to take my hand with a smile. "A guided tour. That sounds just about right."

 

 

After I showed my dad around everything, I changed into a swimsuit and led him down to the dock. "We can check out a canoe! I love the boats. Or e could take kayaks instead." I offered.

Dad shook his head with a laugh. "I don't think I know enough to use either one. You'll have to teach me."

"A canoe then." I decided, skipping along toward the boating beach. "Then we can take it together. You might get your jeans wet though." I pointed out.

"Don't worry about that. I've got my bag in the car. I can always change,” he replied. He took a seat to roll up the bottom of his jeans as I ran off to get us life jackets from the shed.

Mason was there, supervising the checkout of boats. I beamed at him. "My dad is here! We're going to take a canoe out because I have to teach him how to row." I told him proudly.

Mason just laughed, passing me two life jackets. He followed me out of the shed. "Can I help out with that lesson?" He asked with a grin. "I'll just fill in anything you missed."

I nodded bouncing back to my dad. I passed him a life jacket as I put one on. "This is Mason, Dad. He's one of my counselors. He teaches us at boating, so he knows lots and can help me with a lesson."

"That sounds great, kid." Dad smiled over stepping up to shake Mason's hand. "I thought I met a redhead at check in?"

"Oh, that's James. The two of us share duties over these anklebiters." He reached out to ruffle my hair then dropped to one knee to check my life jacket buckles. "Let's get you down a canoe."

The camp canoes were long silver boats made of metal. I climbed in the front and let Dad take the back bench. I took one of the paddles from Mason and dipped into the water. "You just push it through like a J. If you want to turn the boat, you just paddle on one side. You get to be the strong one to make us go fast."

"Not too fast, speed demon." Mason pointed out giving my dad a smile. "Kurt likes anything with speed to it, the faster the better. His favorite things at camp are the motor boats, I think."

Dad laughed. "You do, huh?" I nodded my head. "That's something new."

"I figured it out,” I said looking over to Mason. "We don't have a fast boat at home. I couldn't get it there."

We went in circles a few times, but we did managed to get out in the water.

After we went canoeing, we went to arts and crafts, so I could show Dad some of the things I made this summer. I showed him how I could shoot a bow and arrow and everything. It was amazing.

When it was almost lunch time, I realized that I was still wearing my swimsuit, so we had to go back to change. My dad took a seat on the porch, next to James.

I changed quickly and snuck up next to the door. Maybe I would have a future career as a spy someday. How would I know unless I tried out eavesdropping. Or maybe I could be a ninja. I'd be an awesome ninja.

"How has Kurt been doing?" I could hear my dad ask James. "He seems to be having a good time from his letters, and he's been pretty happy today."

"Overall, I think he's doing great." James replied. "He's made friends with a lot of the guys, especially Sam. I almost never see those two apart."

"Good. He hasn't had the easiest time at home making friends, even before his mom died. He's always been a little bit of an outsider." I wished my dad hadn't told James that. Why would he need to know that I wasn't cool at home?

"I haven't seen that here. The only problem we've had with him is night times, but that's gotten a lot better."

"What's that?" Dad asked.

"He wasn't sleeping well at first. Every night he was waking up crying at least once, when we could get him to tell us why it was usually that he missed his mom or he'd had a dream about you getting hurt." Leave it up to James to rat me out. I hadn't told Dad about those dreams. "He's had less and less of it, though. And we figured out that what helped the most was to distract him and talk about other things. Mason's great at getting him to relax and fall back asleep."

I knelt down on the hard wooden floor, leaning against the wall as I listened. I wish he hadn't told my dad all of this. I didn't want to worry him anymore. I never woke him up after I had one of those dreams at home. Once or twice I climbed into his bed and slept there, but I never told him why.

"I'm glad he's getting better with it. He never told me he was having bad dreams, but I suppose it makes sense." I could hear my dad sigh. "It's a lot for a little kid to deal with. Thank you for helping him, even when it must be hard. I know that this isn't what you signed up for this summer."

"I signed up to work with kids and help them have a great summer. This might be a little more complicated, but that just makes it more rewarding,” James said. "Besides, most of the time he's wonderful. He's bonded really well with his camp brother, Finn, too, and with some of the leadership training staff. He just eats up the attention of the older boys. It's really cute. I'm just glad that we've seen him come out of his shell. I don't know if he was sure he liked it here at first, but now I can tell he loves it."

That seemed like a good place to bounce out the door, letting it slam behind me to let them know I was there. "Oops!" I called as the wood hit wood loudly. "Dad, I think they're going to start the barbecue soon. I'm starving!"

 

* * *

 

Last year this place felt so scary, but today it kind of feels like coming home. Starting a new year at camp was exciting. I'd packed and repacked my trunk at least ten times. Dad insisted that I didn't need to take it out and start packing until June, but I knew better. I had a list made of everything I wanted to take to camp by March. It was important to be prepared, after all.

It might be a little bit of an understatement to say that I was excited. I was more than excited. I'd flown out alone this year, and I couldn't wait to see camp people at the airport and get back to the woods. I wanted to go out in a kayak and jump on the water trampoline and spend late nights talking to Sam about whether superheroes or Power Rangers were better even though the counselors told us to go to sleep five times.

I had to wait to get off the airplane for everyone else. It sucked (but don't tell Dad I'm using that word for it). I just wanted to get off the plane and run all the way to camp. Even though I knew it was a long drive.

By the time everyone else was out and a flight attendant came to get me I was standing by my seat, bouncing on my toes. I'd put my backpack on, and I was ready. So ready.

She led me out of the doors and down the ramp, calling out impatiently when I took off running. Maybe I wasn't supposed to, but the person there waiting in a Camp Cardigan t-shirt was Mason. Mason had been my counselor last year, and I was so happy to see him again.

He braced himself as I ran into his arms, wrapping my arms around him to give him a big hug. "Mason! Mason! You're back!"

"I'm back." He confirmed with a laugh. "I take it you're happy to see me?"

I nodded my head as the flight attendant made it over. "I take it you're the official camp representative?" She asked, glancing at the paperwork she was holding. I pulled off the lanyard of papers from around my neck and passed them to her, craning my head around to see if there was anyone else I recognized there.

"Thank you, Kurt." Mason said, taking them from me to sign off, passing over a letter. "I am. I'll take charge of this rugrat." He ruffled my hair, and I stuck my tongue out at him in return.

The flight attendant showed him the proper place to sign all of the papers, and then Mason looped an arm over my shoulders. "I'd almost think that you were excited about camp. If I didn't know better."

I broke out laughing and shook my head. "I'm not excited at all." I tried to even keep a straight face for a minute. It didn't work very well. "I'm excited a whole bunch. Can we go there now?"

"We have another pick up to make, then we have to go get luggage and find Schue and his pickups," Mason said. "Then we can get on the road."

"Aw man." I sighed dramatically. "I just want to go."

"Oh, but I think that you'll be interested in making this next pickup. We've got to be moving though, his flight should be in any moment." Mason turned to lead the way through the bright, sunny airport.

I skipped after Mason, dodging a couple pulling little suitcases behind them. "Who are we picking up?"

"You'll see." Mason gave me a teasing smile.

I looked up at the screen. We'd stopped outside a gate for a flight that had already arrived from Atlanta. I don't think I know anyone from there.  Why would Mason think that I'd be interested in helping meet a stranger? I mean, I definitely wouldn't be mean to a new kid, but it's not like I'd be jumping up and down excited.

"Kurt!" I turned my head from staring at the screen when I heard a voice I recognized.

"Sam!" I opened up my arms and he ran into them, trying to spin me around. I started laughing at his failure. "You're taller!" I pointed out, ducking out of his arms.

"I am. I grew." Sam struck a pose. He was taller, as tall as me now, so not super tall. But last summer he was shorter and I grew, so he must have really grown.

I didn't even know what to say next. I just couldn't stop grinning.

* * *

 

The best part of flying in was that Sam and I and a handful of other kids got there first. We got there on Saturday night, and everyone else didn't come until Sunday morning.

That meant that I got to get all settled in and find my bed and everything before the cabin was full of people. It would have been really kind of scary if I was in a cabin alone, but then I'd have just begged to stay somewhere else.

I didn't have to worry about that, though, because Sam and I got put in the same cabin. It was about half kids from the summer before and half new names, because 8 year olds only had one cabin but all the other age groups got two.

I bounced on my bed that night, once I'd put on clean socks with my pajamas, still grinning uncontrollably. "Cabin 3! We're not the little guys anymore!"

"Of course not." Sam climbed up onto my bed with me. I'd gotten one against the wall this time, which was nice, but Sam wasn't next to me anymore. He was all the way on the other side of the cabin, three or four people away.

We grabbed hands as we bounced, right until Mason stuck his head inside from the counselor room. "What are you up to already?"

Both of us sank down to sit on my bed, and I gave Mason my best innocent smile. "Nothing?"

"Mmm, hmmm." He led the other counselor, a new guy who had said he was from Australia in. "Watch out for these two. They're nothing but trouble."

I shook my head as Sam protested. "We are not!"

"So much trouble." Mason shook his head again. "I have my eye on you." He winked and then turned to walk back into his room. Halfway there, he added. "And no more jumping on the beds."

 

Sunday came quickly and new families started to arrive. Last year, Dad had brought me, so we came up that way. Now, I had flown on my own, like a big kid. Saying goodbye had been a lot easier, too. I was still kind of worried that something was going to happen to him, but it wasn't the overwhelming fear of the summer before.

It felt weird though, sitting there while all the other families made beds and helped kids unpack. Sam brought a deck of cards over, and we spent the morning playing an epic game of war.

I was excited and a little bit worried to meet the boy with the bed next to mine arrive. I'd been hoping that he'd be really nice, because it would suck to be stuck next to someone mean all summer long. When he came in with his family, they were all speaking another language, Chinese maybe. It was pretty cool. I decided that I'd ask him to teach me to speak it later on.

They switched to English as they talked to the counselors, and I turned on my bed to watch the boy. He was thin and kind of tall with floppy black hair. He looked pretty nervous, and I remembered feeling the same way last summer. It was rough to be unsure about a place you were going to be for so long.

His parents were focused on making his bed, but the boy was just hanging off to the side. I stepped up to offer to shake his hand with a smile. "You're going to be sleeping next to me." I said. "My name is Kurt. This is Sam. He's my best friend in the whole world, even though we only get to see each other at camp."

The boy nodded. He looked over at his parents for a moment for reassurance before he took my hand and shook it. "I'm Mike. You two have been here before?"

"Yep! We were both here all summer last year," Sam piped in. He bounced off the bed to come talk to us. "It's lots of fun, and Mason's really nice. You'll like him. I don't know the other guy well enough yet."

"Mark." I said. "His name is Mark. Mason and Mark. I remember because they're both Ms. And now Mike. Another M."

Mike turned to look over to the counselors and then nodded. "Mason and Mark. Right." He stuck his hands down in his pockets. He still looked really scared, and I wanted to make him not feel that way.

I glanced around the cabin for a moment and then got a really good idea. "Do you want to come play war with us? We can re-deal the game." I offered. I remembered that last year it made me feel better when boys included me in their games. It made it feel more like home.

"You're just saying that because you're losing." Sam said. I thought it sounded like he was just whining.

"Am not. I'm trying to be nice." I elbowed him in the side and he made an 'uff' sound. 

Mike just stared between the two of us like we were crazy. We probably were. "I'll join you. If my mom doesn't need me."

I grinned over. This was going to be great, not being the new kid anymore. "You can come join us whenever you want, even if I'm winning."


End file.
